Last night I let my mother-in-law feed Silas his 1st bottle (of pumped/expressed breast milk). I am not a fan of expressing my milk, it is never easy for me.
I was happy and quite sad at the same time. It is nice knowing his Daddy can fully care for him if I need to be gone longer than a few hours. It is peace of mind in that I can shoot two upcoming weddings and three newborn sessions in the next two weeks, without worrying about bringing him along with me like I have been doing. I had been stressing these weddings and sessions knowing they will last for hours and wondering how I would work it out with nursing him. Now I know I can leave him home [in good hands] with my husband, but it makes my heart ache as I have never left him longer than fifteen minutes, let alone 3, 4 or even 6+ hours for a wedding. I contemplated turning the jobs down, but honestly right now we need the cash. I have a feeling both of our 1995 cars will not easily pass inspection this week...
It was a huge feeling of disconnection seeing him vigorously suck down a bottle, making me sad knowing he could get nourishment other then straight from my breast. I only pumped and bottle fed a couple of times with my 1st son, otherwise my husband brought him to my work. My 2nd son wanted nothing to do with a bottle. Not having my photography business then, or another job that required me to leave the house, (I sold on ebay and did childcare in my home) I did not have to worry about it. I've written about this before...
I guess I did not expect this to be such an emotional thing for me. It obviously weighed heavily on my mind because I dreamed of sobbbing to my husband about the baby not needing me.
I know there are so many woman who pump their milk to nourish their babies and be able to work at the same time. I worked with quite a few woman in the past who spent countless hours and breaks in the bathroom with a pump. And to those woman I praise you and give you a ton of credit.
Deep down I know this roly-poly baby will be just fine with his daddy, and that him taking to a bottle is a good thing...
Posts
