Sunday, June 13, 2010

Silas's 1st bottle....

Last night I let my mother-in-law feed Silas his 1st bottle (of pumped/expressed breast milk). I am not a fan of expressing my milk, it is never easy for me.

I was happy and quite sad at the same time. It is nice knowing his Daddy can fully care for him if I need to be gone longer than a few hours. It is peace of mind in that I can shoot two upcoming weddings and three newborn sessions in the next two weeks, without worrying about bringing him along with me like I have been doing. I had been stressing these weddings and sessions knowing they will last for hours and wondering how I would work it out with nursing him. Now I know I can leave him home [in good hands] with my husband, but it makes my heart ache as I have never left him longer than fifteen minutes, let alone 3, 4 or even 6+ hours for a wedding. I contemplated turning the jobs down, but honestly right now we need the cash. I have a feeling both of our 1995 cars will not easily pass inspection this week...

It was a huge feeling of disconnection seeing him vigorously suck down a bottle, making me sad knowing he could get nourishment other then straight from my breast. I only pumped and bottle fed a couple of times with my 1st son, otherwise my husband brought him to my work. My 2nd son wanted nothing to do with a bottle. Not having my photography business then, or another job that required me to leave the house, (I sold on ebay and did childcare in my home) I did not have to worry about it. I've written about this before...

I guess I did not expect this to be such an emotional thing for me. It obviously weighed heavily on my mind because I dreamed of sobbbing to my husband about the baby not needing me.

I know there are so many woman who pump their milk to nourish their babies and be able to work at the same time. I worked with quite a few woman in the past who spent countless hours and breaks in the bathroom with a pump. And to those woman I praise you and give you a ton of credit.

Deep down I know this roly-poly baby will be just fine with his daddy, and that him taking to a bottle is a good thing...


  1. LOL his photos always make me smile, hes SO CHUNKY!!! you must have some nutritious fatty milk lol, which I thinks awesome.
    He will be fine, but I do understand its never easy to leave them.. even tho I am bottle feeding and I dont have to pump... leaving Owen right now is very hard for me. I think of him the entire time im gone. But we absolutely need the money, and I know in the end he will be ok.. and this only allows time for my husband to bond more with him alone.

    Cant wait to see your photoshoots and wedding pics!!

    BTW is that one of those dreameze diapers? so cute on him.

  2. lol, he is now beyond chunky :) and yes, it is a large dreameze so a bit bulky :)

    and your right, it will be nice bonding time for him and Matt, Matt really enjoys that time with him. I normally turn down weddings but one is my nephews and one is a neighbors 2nd marriage, so it is small and outdoors :) And there was a baby boom, lots of newbies! And I'm covering two family reunions this month! The $ will be nice, maybe we'll get a vacation too :) Looks like you are having such a fun trip!

  3. At least he'll take a bottle. My nephew wouldn't take a bottle for anything! She worked 12 hour shifts, and he'd go the whole time on a bottle strike. He learned how to drink from a sippy cup early.

  4. aww. . . I gave each of my kids a bottle 1-2 times ever, and it was always so hard for me! I love this photo of your sweetie, is he wearing a Dream-Eze diaper? I love those!

  5. Alisa, my cousin had the same issue, she was the "bread winner" and had to return to work and the baby refused the bottle. So hard for them.

    Yes, it is Dream-Eze! I found them really cheap and had to try a few! Love bright colored CD's!


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