Friday, May 7, 2010

That Dad...What a Guy!

(story of this picture here )

No, I do not have severe Mommy brain, I am aware it is Mother's Day weekend, not Father's Day :)

This is about my Dad. The crazy (in a good way), fun and big hearted guy that raised me. The man that died a long and painful death ten years ago today. He was always a strong and healthy hard working man who watched what he ate, never smoked and enjoyed the occasional cold draft beer. However he was defeated by Mantle Cell Lymphona after a two year long battle. He was diagnosed just weeks after retiring and on my 20th birthday. His plans to take his boat and RV and travel would never happen. Something he looked forward to for years.

Watching my father deteriorate for two years, and in the end literally watching him take his last breaths as we all sat around him holding his hands, is the most painful experience I have ever gone through. It took me years to get over his death. It was not until the birth of my 1st son, three years later, that I really came to terms with the experience. It took me much longer than three years to remember the fun times and to not replay his final moments over and over in my head. To not think of the chemo treatments, the weight loss and bald head. To not replay the long hospital visits and devastating conversations with his team of Dr's. To not picture my Dad, once so full of life, lying in a casket...

At this moment as I reflect I am all choked up and can barely type, although it has been ten years, it still hurts so much. What hurts the most is that he is not here to see my children. To play with them or take them for ice cream like he did with me.

I had so many other things in mind when I though of posting about my Dad...but now my mind is kind of spinning and I can't...I am now at a loss for words and words just can not describe the loss of a parent.

But there are so many good memories of the 22 years I knew my Dad, sadly though, memories fade....

I Miss you Daddio, Love Chaka, your 1st Class (possesed) Brat :)

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