Sunday, March 14, 2010
The waiting game....
(The nursery...rather a corner of our bedroom :)
Ok, after many many nights of lying in bed and publishing my blog in my head, I finally published a few entries and am just going to get this blog rolling. I will no longer wait until I have it looking perfect, but just go with it as is until I find the time to do so :) I will quit doubting that no one out there gives a poo to what I have to say :)
My 1st entries are the birth stories of baby #1 (hospital drug induced) and baby #2 (all natural at a midwife center). Sorry they are so long, but this is also my way of preserving those memories, even though they are also recorded :)
So, this morning, I am sitting here at my computer, uncomfortable and feeling huge, but mostly feeling quite anxious. Today marks 39 weeks of pregnancy with baby #3. I am done waiting and so ready to meet baby X :) We not only do not know the sex but we have yet to decide on names!
Yes, this is the giant belly in all it's glory, stretch marks, giant veins and amusingly enlarged tattoo (that I got at 18 when I was "VERY SURE" I did not want to have children...hahahaha).
We do not know the sex of this baby as we opted to not have an Ultrasound this time around. Do I regret this decision? Some days, yes, very much. The anticipation of not knowing weather we're having another awesome son or the new joy in having a daughter kills me, but most days I am content with going along with my husbands idea to wait.
Some days, the decision to not have an ultrasound weighs heavily on me. Not the part of not knowing the sex, but with my 1st two babies it was a huge 'peace of mind' knowing all was ok with baby. Organs as they should be etc. And especially since I will not be birthing in a hospital, rather a freestanding birth center, made that decision a bit harder...the big WHAT IF is always in the back of my head. But my husband and I thought long and hard about skipping the US and I am still ok with our decision to forego it. My mommy instincts tell me my baby is well.
I actually do not let many people know we never had an US, like many of our parenting and lifestyle choices, some things are just easier unsaid to friends and family. I used to feel the need to get on my soapbox to spread the word about why we choose one thing over another. However, after many personal attacks on our decisions, I feel "to each his own" and we will continue to do what feels right for OUR family and avoid the confrontations I often found myself in with loved ones and strangers.
In the future I will probably post reasons as to why we skipped this "normal" procedure, or reasons to many of our "unconventional" or "non-mainstream" lifestyle choices.
For instance, why we choose to not circumsize our boys, or to not vaccinate. To co-sleep, extended breast feed, cloth diaper and wear our babies. Or why we avoid conventional western medications and treatments, why we RARELY see a Dr. and use herbs and homeopathics to treat the minor illnesses or injuries we rarely get.
Why we lead a some-what strict vegetarian/whole foods/and almost 100% organic lifestyle. (We were long time vegans who recently began giving our boys raw milk and free range local eggs and husband was a raw foodist for a few years...)
Why we are a chemical free household (cleaning and body products etc are all natural) and how I honestly despise artificial scents and perfumes...
Why I am a Thrift store Queen who hates to buy anything new if I can avoid it, why we are quite minimalistic in what we own. Why we do not let money and material items rule our lives. Why I choose local and handmade (I LOVE ETSY) over big box stores. Or why we home/unschool our children...
Ok, I guess there are many reasons that make us a unique family, but each family is unique in their own way....in the weeks to come I may elaborate a bit more on each, but I do not want to focus my blog on such things, but such things are just our normal way of life.
And back to the original topic, I was afraid if I blogged I would ramble and get side tracked...but it is a;; about my scatterbrained thoughts...
Oh, yes, the waiting. I know baby will come when baby is ready and a due date is just an estimation. A baby may come at 36 weeks or 42 weeks, but I am soo ready for this baby! I can not wait to hold him or her in my arms!
I have nested like mad, washed and folded all the tiny clothes and cloth diapers, we have our sitters on call and bags packed and car seat strapped...now, we WAIT.
As anxious as I am I also hold some fear for the birth, which is completely normal. I hope and pray all goes as planned like with the natural birth of my Sammy. But I have to hold a spot in my head that I may end up in a hospital and my birthing plan will go out the window. But I will remain positive that it will go as I imagine :)